How to Conquer Feelings of Overwhelm
Do you ever struggle with feeling overwhelmed, like everyone else has it all together and doing better than you?
That you are failing miserably?
Do you struggle with starting something and then give up part way into the process because you can’t see how it will be successful?
Does it sometimes seem that no matter how much effort you put into something, you are still falling short in every area of your life?
We have very high expectations for ourselves.
We hate failing.
We hate it so much that many times we choose not to do something just because we’re afraid that we will fail.
We fall into this hole of comparing ourselves to others, beating ourselves up and feeling like no matter what we try we will never get it right.
The thing is – we ALL have that feeling from time to time, even the most successful people in the world have felt this way. We’ve all experienced that creeping feeling that even our best isn’t good enough and that we just can’t seem to get our act together.
A short while ago I was struggling with feeling overwhelmed in my own life.
The creeping thoughts that I’m failing in many aspects of my life was gaining rapid momentum in my head.
A shoulder injury, immobility and pain made it hard to stay on top of things; my house became a mess, I was unmotivated and wasn’t being as productive as I wanted to be in my business; my life was disarray.
I was in the midst of running a free online “Self-Care Challenge” but it wasn’t the big hit I had expected it to be.
I felt embarrassed by my efforts and began comparing my life to others; the ‘shiny objects’ syndrome of seeing other people posting and sharing their amazing success stories and pictures of their fabulous life left me feeling discouraged and at a loss.
I'm sharing this story with you because I want you to know that we ALL have these feelings of “not good enough” from time to time.
Every successful professional will attest to having gone through the same thing and will tell you:
‘Success didn’t happen overnight, it took time. I worked hard at it. I tried many different things. I failed miserably many times. But I learned from each failure, and I didn’t give up. I just had to find the way that was right for me. I knew that trying different things, failing at some, mildly succeeding in others, tweaking, changing and learning are all part of the process. I didn’t let my failures dictate my life and bring me down. And even now, I still feel this way sometimes, I get overwhelmed, I question myself, I try and sometimes fail. I'm still learning.'
I knew I had to get myself out of this negative mindset. I started to re-assess the challenge I had offered and found that although I didn’t reach my participant goal I was still helping others, which was the sole purpose of the challenge. I re-read the stories people shared with me of how their self-care activities were helping them become more focused, productive and happier in their daily lives. I gained motivation from their stories and began to look at the challenge as a success. Although I set out to engage with a larger group of participants the number no longer mattered, what mattered was the successful results of those who did participate.
You see, sometimes it’s hard to see things in a positive manner when we are caught in the midst of the process, seeing our high expectations met with a small progress rather than focusing on the small progress as being success.
There is a learning curve for anything new we are trying to do and we can’t escape the process of small steps, stumbles, and mistakes. It’s all an integral part of what life and living is. We accept this as kids as we grow and learn at school, at home and through activities. But somewhere along the path we forget this fact, and a learning curve becomes too vulnerable, scary, and judgmental.
When we start reaching that point of felling ‘not good enough’, or scared of ‘failure’, comparing ourselves to others without knowing their struggles we can help ourselves, and support ourselves to overcome those feelings and offer ourselves some encouragement instead of beating ourselves up.
Recognizing that we are doing the very best that we can, that we are learning, practicing, and that is how we continue to get better. We can acknowledge that this is an opportunity to re-focus, re-evaluate and continue better, smarter and stronger. Giving ourselves permission to learn is also giving ourselves the permission to ‘fail’ and ‘make mistakes’ but know it will be okay.
Here are a few things you can do to help yourself in times of overwhelm, judgement, fear of failure or feeling ‘not good enough’ to help you figure out what steps to take when you feel like you’re failing and move forward in a positive and constructive way.
At the end of the article, I have also included a workbook for you to download and fill in as you read through this post. Take some time to fill out each section of your worksheet and put some thought into it. You may very well surprise yourself with what it reveals to you!
1. Forgive yourself / Give yourself permission to be human
Acknowledge that you are trying and figuring things out is very important. Understand that you are doing your best and that in itself is a courageous thing and commendable is much more encouraging than beating yourself up.
There is no reason, and no benefit to being hard on yourself.
We can only accomplish so much in any given day, understand that you are one person who has their limits like any other human being.
Forgive yourself and give yourself permission to be human when you feel overwhelmed, this can be a wonderfully freeing feeling of relief that supports you.
2. Put Down The Phone / Stay Off Social Media
Although it’s fun to reconnect with old acquaintances and stay caught up on our friends lives by viewing posts and pictures social media can also be a huge burden and a trigger when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
When we are in a fragile state of mind, we tend to forget that most people only post the very best of what’s going on in their lives (out having fun with friends, amazing sometimes somewhat embellished stories of success, engagements, beautiful kids, vacations, new cars, etc.). Our already somewhat distorted perception due to our overwhelmed state of mind can throw us down the spiral whirlpool of self-doubt, insecurity and feeling like failures. We forget that what we are seeing is only the highlight of the story and that those people’s reality is very much similar to ours. They too have days of overwhelmed feelings, they too sometimes feel like a failure when they see your posts from your last vacation.
Many people only post the joys in their life and leave out the struggles and vulnerability of what is challenging and overwhelming them in life. They don’t post about the fight with their spouse, how they yell at their kids, their struggle to pay the bills, how their house is a mess and other everyday stresses.
So when you scroll through your news feeds and start getting that creeping feeling of others have such a great life and how you don’t have it together like they do remind yourself that there are other sides to what you are seeing, close the app, put down the phone and stay off of social media. Avoid the comparison trap, it will do your mind and body some good!
3. Make a list of your strengths, former successes and triumphs
You know that you have some really great qualities. You have amazing abilities and strengths that you have learned and developed throughout your life. You have accomplished so much already. You’ve faced many challenges in your life and conquered many obstacles.
We forget these things all the time, let alone when we are feeling low and discouraged. We just can’t remember all the beautiful moments of triumph, pride and our own achievements and successes in times like these when we focusing on all failures.
You might think it’s silly at first, but create a list of what your strengths, achievements, triumphs and proud moments are so that you can look at this list when you’re feeling discouraged. This is an excellent reminder and will support you in seeing the positive aspects of your life and bring you out of the negative self-talk. It helps you to focus on the positives instead of dwelling on your perceived failures and is the easiest way to pull yourself out of a failure funk and get back feeling successful.
4. Take a step back / Learn when to say no
Many times we start feeling deflated when we try to do too much.
Take a good look at your “to-do” lists, does it really all have to be done today? Is the cost of feeling overwhelmed worth it?
Be kind to yourself, cut yourself some slack (just as you would advise your best friend). Check and see if there are any projects/responsibilities/tasks/obligations that you can free yourself from for now so that you can focus on the things that matter most to you. You’ll be much better off approaching these things later on when you have the emotional and head clarity for them.
5. Take a break / Get some distance
When we are trying too hard, focusing relentlessly on something that is challenging we get stuck. Take a break from it for a few days to refresh yourself. If it’s something that must be completed today take a short break, this can allow us to come back with a fresh perspective and renewed sense of motivation to get that big project done once and for all.
You’d be surprised what a mini break done the right way can do to your head and mental state.
Watch a funny movie on YouTube (laughter is the best mind monster slayer), take short brisk walk, put on your favorite song and dance like no one is watching, read a book. That little vacation in your brain from focusing on all the negativity gives your brain a chance to reset itself to a better place.
6. Get enough sleep / Self-care
You know how when little kids get tired they become really cranky and then have melt downs? As adults we’re not that different. When we’re tired, we are much more sensitive and yes, our brain doesn’t function at its best when it lacks sleep. Lack of sleep affects us both in body and mind. It’s very easy to feel overwhelmed and like it’s impossible to keep up with our fast pace of life. We need sleep to function well, for our bodies to replenish and for our brain to process and rest.
Try to get to bed a bit earlier. Make sleep more of a priority with the understanding that a good night’s sleep will make for a more productive and manageable day tomorrow.
If that is not possible, or you’re still not getting enough sleep (according to research 7 to 8 hours is what we need every night) find ways to grab a power nap. Many researches have shown that a 20 minute nap in the middle of the day can have a tremendous positive effect for us.
You will find yourself accomplishing more in less time too if you’re feeling well-rested; your brain is more energized and doesn’t have to work as hard to process information.
7. Share your struggles with others / You are not alone
We all go through rough times and know the feeling of being overwhelmed and ‘not good enough’, or even like failures. It’s part of living. Today it’s you, tomorrow it will be me, and we go through phases in life just like the waves.
Acknowledge your feelings, allow them to speak to you and speak back to them as you would to your best friend or your child. Don’t let those feelings and thoughts take over, they are not true and deep down you know it.
Sharing what you are going through with an emphatic friend who is compassionate and supportive is important. It’s sharing ourselves in times like this that make connection more real, deep and connected.
Feeling like a failure is as an opportunity to rise up stronger and better. Help yourself re-focus and reevaluate, change, and grow. Challenges, mistakes, and failures serve as reminders to how amazing we really are and pushes us to find how much better we can become.
Are you struggling with the feeling of failure, not good enough or have you ever in the past?
Share your experience below so we can help each other work through it with words of encouragement and reminding ourselves we are not alone in this!
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“I am enjoying your insightful newsletter and blog posts with your sparkling gems of wisdom! I am helping my mother move out into a new apartment & happier to get my own life back! Your tips were very timely.
Thank you so much.
Thrive & prosper,
Regina Bonolo
Biz Dev Accelerator”
Thank You, Regina, for such a beautiful heartwarming e-mail.
I’m so glad you are enjoying and benefiting from my articles. 🙂
A-M-A-Z-I-N-G Lian Allweis. Lucky is the reader who doesn’t have to live 6 decades to know what you’ve shared is 100% tried and true. Great blog!!